Ideas and Reflections: Introduction to Counselling 1
The main points that
have had impact on me from my first counselling session :
I must preface my reflection on
what I have learned this weekend by disclosing that I believe I have as yet to be diagnosed
Asperger’s Syndrome. In particular affects my ability to be empathetic and to
be an effective, active listener. My mind continually jumps from thought to
thought and I am frequently on different trains of thought other than the
active topic at hand. This is a barrier to being an effective helper. The
reading for this counselling course and the exercises that allowed us to assume
the helper role has amplified my need to think and behave differently and
modify the genetic predispositions that influence my Quality World. I have
noticed, long before this course, that I too often give unwanted advice and am
quite judgmental around certain topics and with certain people. Our readings
and the discussions and role-playing, have given me a new perspective and
practical ways to apply corrective measures to my deficiencies in these areas.
Assuming a helper’s role, I found extremely beneficial since I had to step
outside of myself and be concerned fully with ‘the other’ to understand,
empathize, and give direction.
I have discovered also that I am
not a person who practices Covey’s critical habit of ‘seek first to understand
and then to be understood’; the first part of the aphorism being lost due to
poor or non-existent relationship development and the second part being
arrogantly dismissed as lack of experience, knowledge or interest on the part
of the person involved. It is clear that I was not approaching many situations
with either a helper skill set or using principles of Choice Theory to guide my
thoughts and emotions and letting behavioral systems be in a perpetual state of
flux.
Examining the stages of the helping
process was important for me. Learning that the assessment stage,and the
relationship building therein, is so foundational and must be developed over a
series of meetings is revelatory for me. Additionally, insightful was the fact
that in counselling no advice is ever offered in any of the helping stages; rather
goal setting for the client in order to help to them determine their own
directions and purpose. Helpers have to be courageous and I need to grow in
this area since I will avoid confrontation at all costs. I am not assertive in
my dealing with authority. The confidentiality aspect of a helper is another
trait I wish to fully develop since I do quite a bit of non-productive grousing
concerning non-collegiality and power dynamics within the school setting. I
have to be committed to personal awareness of my automatic reactions, and
prejudices, and assumptions which are exacerbated by my cognitive distortions
of all-or-nothing-thinking. Even though I know this is an inherent trait of
Asperger’s, it must be mitigated for my own well-being if for no other reason. The
discussion of being a professional helping versus friendship was important
because it made me examine that friends have a give and take relationship and
this is quite different for a helper or counsellor where advise is never given.
I think one has to be very careful in application of such powerful and
influential methods that we are learning in the course however so as not to
jeopardize a friendship by over-analyzing or becoming clinical in an informal
setting. Watching the videos on being an effective helper was also very
helpful. These clips showed counselling techniques in action before we got to
practice them. For me. it may have beneficial to watch some key video clips
while reading the text
Since I have learned about Choice
Theory and that relationships are key to all helpers and leaders, it is still
concerning that I do not see collaborative and collegial relationships in my
work, but it now has taken on less importance since it is something I choose
not to validate or try to control. Learning to ignore hypocrisy is, and will
continue to be, a monumental challenge in my career since I cannot abide
deceitfulness or disingenuousness because of the genetics of personality.
Without exception, it has been my experience that the key ideas we discussed in
our class this weekend concerning relationship building, mentoring and being
open to critical examination of ideas and practices, is practically
non-existent in my current and former workplaces. In unhealthy environments
such as these, with coercive authoritarian management styles, it means I have
to work harder for my own well-being.
The Choice Theory Model Poster was
extremely helpful because it succinctly encompassed the whole of the Choice
Theory Model. As was pointed out by Dr. Brown, we are all on a continuum of
mental health and well-being due to conflicts in our significant relationships
and with external power structures in the real world. It’s how we manage these
conflicts between our idealized Quality World needs and our wants that make us
content or malcontent. Of greater interest to me personally was the genetic or
personality instructions section of the model, which exert great influence on
our Quality World. Even though I know we can modify our personalities, I
believe I have far less empathy than most people and suspect that it is because
of being on the Autism spectrum as mentioned before. This has affected my
personal relationships my whole life. It is something I will struggle with in
order to be an effective helper, but it is essential to the growth and
contentment which I have been seeking for a number of years.
Another concept that resonated with
me was being in the moment with a client/student/son or daughter. This is a
skill, along with active listening, which I need to practice more. I wish to
become the person who can better listen and overcome my controlling behaviors.
I wish to be in the moment/present to more fully enjoy life and my closest
relationships; to start to rectify broken or maladaptive relationships in my
workplace by applying Choice Theory principles. I have already identified much
of what people wish to force on others and myself in a school setting and have
come to terms with it. Since I can only control that which is with my circle of
influence, I must let the rest just ‘be’ and no perseverate on what I cannot
change. I must let only what is forced upon me directly have its impact on my
choices and try to make correct decisions based on reflection to deal with
outcomes that I wish to see.
I believe I am creative and I am inclined
towards the arts, literature and use of the imagination but I seldom get to
exercise this at work especially in my speciality area of technology in
education. I have found that I enjoy being a helper in the confusing and
frustrating world of computer and digital technologies. It has been an ongoing
passion of mine for 30 years. I used to help to alleviate staff and student
anxiety but now am not able due to externally imposed decisions and I have
resigned myself to do the best work I can in my new position and help those who
ask and who appreciate it.
The calming meditation exercises
that started the weekend sessions was helpful too. They evoked a memory of a
one-time activity in high school when our teacher had us just listen to our
surroundings. A very powerful memory I had forgotten until now; Meditation is something
I have always wanted to explore since I read Eckhart Tolle’s New Earth and The
Power of Now, and Sam Harris’ Waking Up: a Guide to Spirituality without
Religion. I would like to continue on this contemplative and spiritual journey
no matter where my intellectual pursuits lead me.
Much of what I am learning I wish
to apply to my own relationships with others and as a means of self-exploration
and positive growth. Additionally, I wish to help my eldest daughter, who
suffers from Crohn’s disease and depressing because of her circumstances, to
help herself. And my youngest daughter who is suffering from anxiety and panic
attacks due to a toxic relationship she had last year.
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